A Role Born from Love and Necessity

A Role Born from Love and Necessity
 Grandparents Raising the Next Generation
       By:  Donna Marston
        www.SharingWithOutShame.com

In homes across the country, more and more grandparents have been stepping up to raise their grandchildren. Often, this responsibility is born out of necessity when their own children struggle with a substance use disorder (addiction).  While the role may be unexpected, the love and resilience of these grandparent’s shines through as they work to provide stability, guidance, and hope for the next generation.

This is unplanned journey for many grandparents, they never anticipated raising children a second time. They’ve likely been looking forward to retirement, traveling, or simply enjoying a slower pace of life. But when addiction enters the picture, plans change. The well-being and safety of their grandchildren becomes their priority, and these grandparents embrace a caregiving role that requires both strength and adaptability.

“You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it” - Maya Angelou

Raising grandchildren can be both financially and emotionally overwhelming for many grandparents. They grieve not only for the life they envisioned for their child but also the life they once dreamed of for themselves as empty nesters. Yet, the opportunity to guide their grandchildren through a challenging time becomes their top priority. While the pain of watching their child struggle with addiction can feel unbearable, the deep bond they form with their grandchildren often brings healing and a renewed sense of purpose.

Guilt and shame can also weigh heavily. Some grandparents blame themselves for their child’s addiction, even though addiction is a complex disease influenced by genetics, environment, and personal experiences. Others may struggle with setting boundaries with their addicted child, torn between protecting their grandchildren and holding out hope for their child’s recovery.

Two of the most important steps grandparents can take is to build an emotional & financial support system:

1. Support groups: Connecting with others in similar situations can provide validation, resources, and emotional support. Groups like Grandfamilies offer a safe space to share and learn.  AARP Grand Families Guide offers a comprehensive resource guide for grandparents raising grandchildren, covering legal, financial, and emotional support.

2. Generations United:
   Generations United advocates for intergenerational families and provides resources, support networks, and connections to local programs.
   
   

3. Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF)
   TANF provides cash assistance to families in need, including grandparents raising grandchildren. You can apply through your state’s Department of Health and Human Services (DHHS).

4. Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP)
   SNAP helps families purchase groceries. Many grandparents raising grandchildren qualify for this program based on household income.

5. Child-Only Grants
   Child-Only Grants in some states offers help for grandparents to support their grandchildren without considering the grandparent’s income.

6. Kinship Navigator Programs
   Kinship Navigator Programs are specifically designed to connect grandparents with financial assistance, legal aid, and other resources. They vary by state but are a valuable starting point.

Grandparents must remember that taking care of themselves isn’t selfish, it’s essential for their well-being and their ability to provide a stable environment for their grandchildren.

Some ways to practice self-care include:

• Regular health check-ups and exercise

• Creating moments of joy, such as hobbies or time with friends

• Setting boundaries with your addicted child to reduce stress

“You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along” - Eleanor Roosevelt

To every grandparent navigating this journey, know that you are not alone. Your love, sacrifices, and unwavering commitment are shaping the lives of your grandchildren in profound ways. While the path may be difficult, it is also filled with opportunities to create memories, instill values, and break cycles of addiction.