Behind every addiction is an untended wound
By Donna Marston
Everywhere I look today, I see anger. It’s in the news, on social media, in families, and out on the street. People are snapping at one another, pointing fingers, and carrying around resentment like it’s part of their identity. And often underneath all of that anger is something deeper, fear, grief, loneliness, and pain.
The truth is that most people were never taught how to sit with their emotions, especially the older generations. Instead, they were told to “toughen up,” “get over it,” or “keep it moving.” That emotional gap leaves us raw and restless. When the world feels like it’s burning, many of us don’t have the inner tools to cool the fire. And that’s where addiction sneaks in.
Anger is exhausting. Fear is paralyzing. Grief feels unbearable. Addiction steps in like a band- aide, covering those wounds with temporary relief:
- Substances quiet the rage.
- Screens distract from loneliness.
- Workaholism masks inadequacy.
- Food or shopping provide a quick hit of comfort.
- Politics channels turn frustration into blame
But just like any band-aide, it doesn’t heal the wound, it only covers it for a while. And when it falls off, the wound is often deeper, because nothing has been addressed.
Living in constant anger disconnects us from compassion, both for ourselves and for each other. It keeps us blaming instead of healing. Addiction thrives in that space, it’s easier to reach for a drink, a pill, or a distraction than to sit with the grief of losing a loved one, the fear of instability, or the shame of not feeling enough.
I know this not just because I’ve lived in it, but because I’ve watched countless families I’ve worked with mask the silent chaos, both inside themselves and in the world around them, when addiction took hold of their family. What’s lacking isn’t the need for more band-aides.
What’s lacking is:
- Emotional safety – the ability to feel without judgment.
- Connection – real human relationships beyond screens and surface-level exchanges.
- Healthy tools – ways to regulate stress without harming ourselves.
- Compassion – for others, but also for ourselves.
If we want to see less anger in the world, we have to start healing the wounds behind it. That means removing the band-aides and tending to the raw places with honesty, courage, and support. Addiction is the shortcut; healing is the path.
Because when we heal ourselves, we stop adding to the anger. We stop covering pain with band- aides. And we start showing the world what wholeness looks like.