Do Understanding Addiction, Finding Hope, and Taking Control of Your Future
By: Donna Marston
www.SharingWithOutShame.com
Addiction can feel like a storm that affects everyone in its path. Whether your parent is in active addiction or you’re wondering how their struggles might impact you, it’s normal to feel confused, hurt, or even scared. But understanding addiction as a disease and how it could affect you in your teen years can give you clarity and hope.
First, I’d like to explain to you that addiction is a brain disorder that makes it incredibly hard for someone to stop using drugs or alcohol, even when it hurts them or the people they love. It’s not about weakness or bad choices, addiction changes how your Mom or Dad’s brain works, especially the parts that control judgment, emotions, and self-control.
Your Mom and or Dad didn’t choose to become addicted any more than someone chooses to get diabetes or heart disease.
If you’re a teenager dealing with a parent in active addiction, it’s important for you to know that addiction is a disease that they’re struggling with, and it has nothing to do with you. Their disease makes them act in ways they don’t always want to, and it’s important for you to know that even though it might not always feel like they love you, they do. They just may not love themselves, and sometimes people who are emotionally hurt are not able to express love in a healthy way.
Talk about addiction with empathy and compassion. If the parent you live with doesn’t have a substance use disorder and uses terms like “addict” or “alcoholic,” to describe your sick parent, encourage them to use kinder, more understanding language. You could say something like, “My Dad has a substance use disorder; his brain is wired differently than yours and mine.” This helps to remind everyone that addiction is a brain disorder, not a moral failing. Your parent who is struggling with addiction is not bad; they are emotionally sick and need help. Approaching the situation with this kind of understanding can help you see your parents’ struggle with compassion instead of shame.
If addiction runs in your family, you might be wondering, Could this happen to me? Genetics can play a role, meaning you might have a higher risk. Think of addiction like a light switch, if the genetic “wiring” is there, certain things like stress or trying drugs or alcohol could flip the switch. But here’s the good news: Just because you have the wiring doesn’t mean the switch has to turn on. Choosing to avoid drugs and alcohol, finding healthy ways to deal with stress, and learning about addiction can help keep the disease dormant.
Addiction can be a heavy topic, but understanding it as a disease helps reduce the shame, stigma, and confusion. Remember, your parents’ struggles don’t define your future. You have the power to make choices that keep you healthy and build a brighter path for yourself.
While supporting a sick parent is important, it’s also crucial to set boundaries to protect your things and your heart. Don’t let their addiction put your emotional or physical health at risk. Let them know that you love them, but you won’t tolerate harmful behaviors. Setting clear, firm boundaries can also help your parent understand that their addiction doesn’t define your relationship.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, reach out to a trusted adult, school counselor, or support group like Ala-teen. Help is always available, and you don’t have to face this journey alone.