When parents are faced with the harsh reality of their teen or adult child struggling with active addiction, fear becomes their unwelcome, constant companion. It will follow you like a shadow, sinking into every thought, making your stomach churn, and leaving you feeling powerless. This fear is raw, relentless, and all-consuming. Many parents find themselves living in a state of perpetual anxiety, terrified of what might happen next, jail, relapse, or worse. The "what ifs" and "should haves" swirl around endlessly, making it feel as if life has come to a standstill, each day haunted by the dread of the next phone call, the next crisis, the next sign that your loved one is in danger.
“Of all the liars in the world, sometimes the worst are our own fears.” Rudyard Kipling - English journalist, novelist, poet, and short-story writer
While fear is natural in these circumstances, it can also be debilitating. You may feel as though you’re drowning in emotions, gasping for air while struggling to keep any semblance of normalcy. It’s hard to eat, sleep, or focus. The constant cycle of fear drives every decision, often leading to reactive choices based on panic rather than calm, thoughtful action. When the fear of losing your child takes hold, it’s easy to become emotionally paralyzed.
“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.” — Maya Angelou
Though fear is a natural response, living in a constant state of it is unsustainable. It affects your health, your relationships, and your ability to provide the support your child needs. So, how do you break this exhausting cycle?
First, acknowledge that your fear, while real, doesn’t have to control you. You cannot change your child’s choices, but you can change how you respond to them. Focus on what you can manage, your own emotions, your boundaries, and your well-being. Seek out support groups like Families Sharing Without Shame, where you’ll find others who know exactly what you’re going through and have learned how to navigate their fear.
Empower yourself through education. Understanding addiction can help dismantle some of the fear that comes from the unknown. Knowledge is a powerful tool in regaining control over your emotions amid chaos.
Lastly, work on acceptance. This doesn’t mean giving up on your child but letting go of the belief that you can save or fix them. Their journey is their own, and by accepting that, you can begin to focus on your healing and find inner peace in the process.
Your child’s addiction is not your fault, and their recovery is not in your hands. Release your fear, transform it into strength so that you can reclaim your peace on your path to healing!