For many parents and family members, it takes far too long to understand that no matter how much they try to help, support, and love their loved one struggling with addiction, mental health issues, or an eating disorder, nothing will shift until that person makes the choice to change for themselves.
Unhealthy Helpers pour their hearts out, desperately hoping their efforts will make a difference, but nothing ever seems to change. They twist themselves into a human pretzel, bending and maneuvering to make their loved one happy, and even that doesn’t work. If your loved one genuinely wants help, they wouldn’t let you fight for their recovery, they will take responsibility for it.
People active in their addiction often see the parents, family members as the problem. In their eyes, if they’d just stop asking questions, making demands, and give them whatever they want, everything would be fine. They feel that parents and family members attempt to control their addiction, mental health, or eating disorder, and no matter how much you give, whether it’s time, money, or energy, it’s never going to be enough.
The hard truth is, the more you engage in Unhealthy Helping, the more you reinforce their addiction, eating disorder, or other destructive behaviors. Your attempts to save them only deepens the problem.
When you finally hit your enough, you’ll be able to step back and give them the space they need to find their own way. You’ll no longer be consumed with constant thoughts of them, and you’ll stop trying to fix what isn’t yours to fix. You’ll release them, set them free, and focus on your healing and recovery.
When I was dealing with my son’s addiction, I realized something crucial: We can’t love anyone into recovery, not even our own child
ren. We can’t bring them peace; they must find it for themselves.
Unhealthy helping only drags you further into the quicksand of codependency. That’s why it’s important to reclaim your energy, and emotional health. When you’ve hit your enough, you’ll be able to walk away from the exhausting cycle of rescuing and unhealthy helping. You deserve relationships where love and support flow both ways, where you’re not required to fix or save someone to feel valued.
If your decision to stop helping feels like abandonment, it’s important to understand that you’re not abandoning your loved one, you’re setting them free to live the life they choose. Their addiction, mental health struggles, or eating disorder are not your burden to carry. You can love them from a distance and let them solve problems that aren’t yours to solve, however, you can support them in their recovery.
Just for today, I choose peace over chaos. I release my fight-or-flight mindset as I choose to move forward with clarity and intention. I will no longer carry the weight of my loved ones struggles or allow their choices to dictate my well-being. Instead, I embrace the freedom to focus on my own healing, growth, and inner peace.
I release them with love, trusting that they will find their own path when they are ready, and I reclaim my energy to build the life I deserve.