Don’t Wait for the Nightmare to Hit
Finding calm in the chaos before life turns into crisis
By Donna Marston
Most parents, partners, and family members don’t reach out for support until the nightmare is already unfolding. I see it every day. The moment fear becomes too heavy to carry alone, when anxiety keeps you awake at night, and every phone call sends a jolt through your chest—that’s when people finally look for guidance.
For many families, that moment comes after the overdose scare. Or the DUI. Or the gut-wrenching phone call that begins with, “I’m in jail.” By then, month’s or even years of walking on eggshells, of trying to hold everything together, of hoping love or hyper-awareness could prevent the next disaster, have taken their toll.
I remember one mother who reached out after her son’s arrest. For years, she had been living in constant fear, checking in on him obsessively, negotiating endlessly with him, losing sleep over every text and missed appointment. She tiptoed around him to avoid conflict while he lived in active addiction, chasing his next high or bottle, oblivious to the chaos he left behind. She was exhausted, overwhelmed, feeling helpless and hopeless.
When we began working together, we started untangling that weight. She learned ways to respond instead of reacting, tools to protect her heart and mind, boundaries that respected her life without compromising her love for him. Within weeks, she noticed the difference: tension in her chest eased, sleepless nights became fewer, and fear no longer ruled her every thought. Life wasn’t perfect, but it became bearable, and she felt more like herself again.
The truth is that relief and clarity don’t have to wait for the worst-case scenario. Even small shifts, like learning how to protect your peace, reclaiming moments of calm, setting boundaries that work, can transform days filled with dread into moments of clarity and hope.
If a part of you is whispering…
“I can’t keep doing this alone anymore,”
that whisper is enough. Your pain is enough. Your exhaustion is enough.
Sometimes, the heaviest burdens begin to lift not because the chaos has disappeared, but because you allow yourself the space to breathe, to see options, to reclaim your life. And in that space, even the darkest nights can start to feel lighter.