My son's addiction was the most painful and defining experience of my life. The most difficult part was grieving a child who was still alive mourning the hopes and dreams I once held while living in daily fear and uncertainty.
"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you." Maya Angelou
For years, I carried this story in silence, consumed by guilt, shame, and fear.
That experience profoundly affected my identity, relationships, and outlook. I lost myself for a time in trying to "fix" everything. I felt isolated and misunderstood, especially in a world that doesn't often talk honestly about the pain of loving someone in active addiction. There were so many moments I felt silenced or invisible, drowning in the chaos of circumstances beyond my control.
My healing began with a single Reiki session that cracked open a door I didn't even know existed. Reiki, meditation, and attending Codependents Anonymous meetings became my lifelines. They helped me turn inward, reconnect with my spirit, and slowly begin to rebuild my sense of self, apart from my son's choices or struggles. These practices taught me that healing happens from the inside out, one breath at a time and one day at a time.
This experience taught me that I am emotionally stronger than I ever imagined. The scar of that time didn't just mark me, it refined me. I found my voice, my power, and my passion to help other parents and family members navigate similar journeys.
"There is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." - Leonard Cohen
My cracks became pathways for compassion and understanding.
If you’re going through something similar, I want you to know there's no right or wrong way to do this. You don't need to have all the answers. Just keep showing up for yourself and find what works for you. Your healing matters, and your story deserves to be told without shame.
This loss reshaped my entire life and led me to start Sharing Without Shame, a movement I’ve dedicated to helping other parents reclaim their lives while loving someone in addiction. Through workshops, support groups, and one-on-one private sessions, I create safe spaces where parents can speak their truth without judgment. Sharing With Out Shame isn't just about breaking the silence, it's about breaking the cycle of isolation that keeps us suffering alone. We deserve to heal, to hope, and to live fully, regardless of our loved one's lifestyle.
The most beautiful part of this journey is that my son found his recovery on Mother's Day in May 2008. Today, he lives a happy, healthy life today, a testament to the power of hope and perseverance.
If I could go back and speak to my former self in that darkest moment, I would simply say: "You got this." I wouldn't change a single part of what I went through, because it brought me to where I am today. I live and lead with compassion, strength, and purpose, knowing that healing is always possible, even in the messiest of places.