Holding on to Hope and Gratitude on Thanksgiving
Loving someone in active addiction and discovering unexpected blessings
By Donna Marston
Thanksgiving is a time to pause, reflect, and notice the blessings that surround us. It’s meant for connection, gratitude, and a gentle reminder of what matters most. But when someone you love is in active addiction, the holiday can feel heavy. Anxiety, disappointment, and uncertainty can overshadow the traditions we hold dear. And yet, even in this difficult season, Thanksgiving can teach a quieter, deeper kind of gratitude.
One truth that helps anchor us is this: you cannot control another person’s addiction. You can love them, stay connected, and hope, but their recovery is something only they can choose. Addiction is a disease, but not everyone seeks help immediately. Some only reach out when life becomes hard enough that they realize they can’t manage alone. While practicing gratitude, be thankful that you’re one of the lucky ones whose loved one is still here with you, because there are many families who have an empty chair at the table.
Protecting your own well-being means setting boundaries. Boundaries aren’t about shutting someone out; they’re about keeping yourself, your family, and your guests safe and the day manageable. If your loved one plans to join the celebration, it’s important to communicate your boundaries clearly beforehand. Active addiction can make behavior unpredictable; sometimes people show up under the influence not to intentionally hurt anyone, but that’s how they cope with seeing family members. Being honest and upfront about expectations prior to Thanksgiving protects everyone and prevents unnecessary stress and hurt feelings.
And if they don’t show up? Maybe it’s because they know they can’t guarantee their sobriety that day. Maybe they respect you enough to step back so that you can have a day of peace. Sometimes, the gift isn’t what we hope for, it’s what actually comes our way. Learning to be grateful for that can change the way we see the day.
“Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.” – Brené Brown
If your loved one does show up and tensions rise, it’s okay to step outside, take a walk, quietly leave, or take them aside and ask them to leave. You are not responsible for your loved one’s addiction or behavior. Keep conversations simple, let go of old arguments, and notice small blessings, a warm meal, a smile, a quiet moment of peace, or simply being grateful that today isn’t the end of your loved one’s story.
Helpful Resources:
• Al-Anon Family Groups — Support for families affected by someone else’s drinking
• Nar-Anon Family Groups — Support for families of people struggling with addiction
• SAMHSA National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP — 24/7 confidential treatment referrals
• Sharing With Out Shame – www.SharingWithOutShame.com
This Thanksgiving, honor the day in a way that feels true to you. Protect your peace, hold hope gently, and notice the quiet blessings, the moments of calm, the laughter that sneaks in, the love that persists even in imperfection.
Gratitude doesn’t have to be grand; sometimes it’s simply being present, breathing, and embracing what the day actually brings.