Finding Strength and Hope While Waiting in the Dark
By: Donna Marston
For many parents of teens or adult children struggling with addiction, the porchlight becomes a symbol of hope, love, and unrelenting worry. We keep it burning, often without realizing how deeply it reflects our hearts, the sleepless nights, the endless waiting, and the fear of that dreaded phone call no mother ever wants to receive.
For years, I kept my porch light burning, heart racing at every siren, terrified of the call no mother ever wants. Addiction wasn’t just stealing my son’s tomorrow, it was stealing mine, too. I watched helplessly as addiction pulled him farther away, and with every broken promise and missed opportunity, I felt my own spirit fray.
The weight of this struggle can be unbearable. You hope, you pray, you love fiercely, but the pain grows, and sometimes it feels like love alone isn’t enough. This is a hard truth many parents face but few talk about.
"Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others." Brene Brown
Setting boundaries can feel like the hardest thing in the world when you’re desperate to save someone you love. But it’s an act of courage, not abandonment. It’s about protecting your own heart so you can remain strong for the journey ahead.
One night, in the midst of this overwhelming pain, I had to turn the light inward. I chose to show up for myself, even while my son struggled. And in that moment, I realized something powerful:
Hope isn’t a life preserver you throw out to save your child. It’s the life raft a mother must climb into to keep from emotionally drowning.
This realization didn’t mean giving up on my child, it meant loving myself enough to stop drowning in fear and exhaustion. It meant understanding that I could not pour from an empty cup, no matter how much I wanted to save him.
Addiction thrives on secrecy, shame, and chaos. It isolates families, leaving parents to feel powerless and alone. But when we choose boundaries, self-care, and healing, we create a foundation of strength, not just for ourselves, but as an example of hope for our children.
If you find yourself walking this painful path, remember: your own healing is not selfish, it’s necessary. You cannot pour from an empty cup. Stay strong. Stay hopeful. And most importantly, take care of yourself. Reach out for support, you don’t have to face this alone.
Your porch light isn’t just a symbol of waiting; it can be a beacon of self-love, resilience, and healing.