The Silent Scream
When Your Child in Active Addiction Rejects Help
By: Donna Marston
www.SharingWithOutShame.com
Parents of teen or adult children in active addiction often feel helpless, confused, and heartbroken. They see their child drowning, yet every attempt to throw them a lifeline is met with resistance, anger, or complete avoidance. The heartbreaking reality is that, deep down, a person trapped in addiction is internally screaming for help, but the help they crave isn’t always the help they need.
"I was screaming for help, but no one could hear me. No one knew the depths of my despair." – Unknown
Addiction rewires the brain, creating a desperate need for substances that override logic, love, and self-preservation. Your child may be craving for relief from their pain, but their mind convinces them that the only way to find it is through using. In this state, they may reject support, push away family, and resist any suggestion of change.
Instead of seeking something healthy, like therapy, rehab, or a structured living environment, they often ask for money, a place to stay with no rules, or a way to avoid consequences. To a parent, this rejection of real help feels like a painful contradiction. To the addicted person, it feels like survival.
"People do not resist change. They resist being changed." – Peter Senge (American systems scientist)
When your loved one is struggling with their addiction, they most often resist help because accepting it means facing change, and change brings discomfort, vulnerability, and emotions they've long avoided. Your child may genuinely believe they can't function without substances, making any challenge to their addiction feel like a direct threat to their survival. In their eyes, you're asking them to let go of their closest companion and deepest source of comfort.
Marisol Imperial
When you offer healthy support, like rehab, counseling, or firm boundaries, it challenges their current way of life, their comfort zone. Instead, they may beg for financial assistance, a place to stay with no expectations, or bail money when they get into trouble. They want to avoid the pain of consequences but aren’t yet ready to embrace healing.
While you can’t force them to want change, you can control how you respond. Instead of enabling, set firm but loving boundaries. Offer only the kind of support that leads toward recovery, housing with conditions, help finding treatment, or emotional support without financial assistance. Let them know you love them, but you won’t participate in their self-destruction.
Even when they push you away, remember that deep down, they are still the child who longs for freedom. Hold on to hope, and make sure to care for yourself through this challenging journey.