When Loving Someone in Active Addiction Takes Everything Out of You
A gentle path from crisis to clarity—one step, one breath, one choice at a time
by Donna Marston
When someone you care about is struggling with addiction, it can feel like your whole world starts revolving around their chaos. You may find yourself stuck in survival mode, constantly worrying, fixing, helping, hoping. You become the crisis manager, the secret keeper, the silent sufferer.
I know this pattern well. I lived it. For a long time, I believed that if I just tried harder, loved my son more, or said the right thing, things would change. But I lost myself in the process of saving him from his addiction.
One day, I came across this quote by Viktor Frankl:
“When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.”
Does that stop you in your tracks?
It’s the kind of truth that can feel uncomfortable, especially when all your energy has been focused on trying to help, fix, or hold someone else together. But over time, I began to understand what Frankl meant. I couldn’t control my son’s addiction, but I could begin the journey of saving myself from his addictions financial and emotional wreckage.
Shifting from survival to thriving wasn’t a one-time decision, it was a series of small, intentional choices. Saying no without explaining. Allowing natural consequences. Creating space for my own joy and wellness.
I started doing the work of untangling codependency, learning to respond instead of reacting, and most of all, remembering who I was before the impact of addiction in my family took over my world.
Another quote that kept me grounded is from Maya Angelou:
“Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
If you're reading this, chances are you’re doing the best you can. And maybe now, you're ready to start doing better, not just for them, but for you.
That quote inspired me to create a free, judgment-free workshop where we explore what “doing better” actually looks like when you’ve been living in survival mode. It’s called When You Know Better, You Do Better, and it’s offered through Sharing Without Shame for anyone needing a place to start.
You deserve peace. You deserve support. You deserve to be seen and heard, not just as someone who loves a person in active addiction, but as someone who matters in your own right.
That’s what we offer at Sharing Without Shame, a space to shift your mindset, grow, and rebuild. We offer support groups, private coaching, and workshops that gently guide you back to yourself.
You don’t have to do this alone, and you don’t have to wait for anyone else to change before you start living fully again.
Visit www.sharingwithoutshame.com when you’re ready to take your first step toward thriving.
You matter. Your feelings matters. And we’re here when you’re ready.
You deserve peace. You deserve support. You deserve to be seen and heard, not just as someone who loves a person in addiction, but as someone who matters in your own right.
That’s what we offer at Sharing Without Shame—a space to shift your mindset, grow, and rebuild. We offer support groups, private coaching, and workshops that gently guide you back to yourself.
You don’t have to do this alone, and you don’t have to wait for anyone else to change before you start living fully again.
Visit www.sharingwithoutshame.com when you’re ready to take your first step toward thriving.
You matter. Your healing matters. And we’re here when you’re ready.